


Dreams and Memories

by HalpMe



Category: Saiyuki, Saiyuki Gaiden
Genre: Banter, Friendship, Gen, Goku being clueless and adorable, Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Memory Loss, Visions in dreams
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2019-01-03 20:00:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12153768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HalpMe/pseuds/HalpMe
Summary: Goku keeps having weird and very vivid dreams about things he could have sworn he had never experienced. And the people in it really (and he means really) resemble three certain idiots he is being forced to travel with. Too bad dream Goku keeps focusing on all the wrong things or the journey could have been a lot shorter.Or: the one where Gaiden gave me too many feels and I had to write about it.





	1. Chapter One

The first time it happened, Goku was dreaming.  
Usually, when Goku slept, he dreamt either of food, which made him drool like Gojyo drooled about cleavages, or just normal everyday situations, which left Goku with nothing but vague impressions and feelings. Sometimes, very rarely, he dreamt of the cave, but he was always very quick to shake those off.  
This time was different.  
Instead of full platters of whatever breakfast the inn they were staying at could and would plate up in the morning, his dream started with a hit to the head.  
“Ow! What the hell was that for, Konzen?!” _Konzen? Why did I say that…? Sanzo is the one that..._ Goku whirled around, expecting to find a predictably pissed off monk, but instead his eyes fell upon a tall man with long blond hair. Goku felt a strange longing in his chest, like loneliness, but worse. It quickly ebbed away when the man’s deep violet eyes focused on him. His eyebrows twitched in a very Sanzo-like manner.  
“It’s time to wake up, monkey. I can’t just laze around all day, and I’m not leaving you here after what happened last time.”  
“Don’t call me a monkey!” Goku protested out of habit alone. This man… He seemed familiar. Konzen. Of course he knew Konzen. He was the man that took care of him, wasn’t it? Of course he was. Goku shook his head, confused. He must have had some very weird dreams tonight.  
“What’s the matter, contracted lice in that big mess on your head?” Konzen drawled. When it became apparent that Goku would not answer he merely ‘hmph’ed and turned away.  
Goku took the opportunity to look around. He appeared to be lying in a bed, the blanket still draped haphazardly over his feet and waist. The room itself was fairly unremarkable. A big bed in the middle and pushed up against the back wall, a small table to the side and a dresser in one corner. There was one big window, through which Goku caught a glimpse of green trees and the serene blue of water, accompanied by colourful bursts of flowers. Then he looked up.  
“Wow…” he couldn’t help but whisper, awed.  
Konzen looked over, a frown on his face. “What is it? Oh that.” He rolled his eyes. “Seriously monkey, what’s the matter with you? I got that installed days ago.”  
Goku ignored him, too busy staring up at the painting on the ceiling. Gold and yellow rays of sunshine stretched from the right side of the room towards the middle, where they vanished into the bright blue of the sky at noon. Small, fluffy looking clouds floated across the ceiling, like particularly delicious looking rice balls. (Or maybe that was just Goku.) On the left side of the ceiling the blue got darker, intermingling with the dark red of the setting sun, creating a pattern of various blues, pinks and violets. There were even some black shapes that faintly resembled birds.  
Konzen spoke up next to him. “We had it painted after I found you sneaking out at night for what must have been the millionth time." An eyeroll. "God, you’re such a pain in the ass sometimes, I swear. But Tenpou was worried you might get sick from spending all your nights outside, so…” The man trailed off, making a sweeping gesture towards the ceiling instead. “You told me you couldn’t sleep properly, unused to spending your nights in a building. So we brought the sky in the building. Simple.” Konzen sounded vaguely annoyed by the whole ordeal, but Goku could remember it now. Cold nights spent curled up under bushes, the chains a freezing clutch on his body. Until Konzen had dragged him back in one night, roughly, muttering about stupid inconvenient monkey brats. But he let Goku sleep in his room for several days, before unceremoniously pushing him into his old room with a new painting on the ceiling. How could he have forgotten that?  
Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Konzen moving towards the door again. “Now would you hurry the fuck up and get to breakfast already?” the man asked, disgruntled.  
Goku’s head snapped away from the ceiling in an instant, hopping out of bed with ease. Like he’d ever miss breakfast! If he wasn’t careful Gojyo might- Wait, who was Gojyo? There was a stabbing pain in his head, and Goku stumbled for a moment.  
“Monkey!” Konzen’s voice called from behind the door.  
“O-oi! Wait for me!” Goku did his best to shake off the weird feeling and ran after his caretaker. “And stop calling me monkey!”

Goku woke up breathing heavily and sweating, disorientated before he heard a soft ‘kyu’ from Jeep’s resting place. That…had been weird. He looked around, but everything seemed to be back to normal and in perfect order. The only blond in the room was Sanzo, where he lay turned away from the rest of them, curled protectively around what Goku knew from experience was his gun. Gojyo and Hakkai slept on the other side of the room, though Hakkai’s bed, as usual in the mornings, was already vacated.  
With a groan, Goku rolled on his back. He could still remember his dream in perfect clarity, Konzen, his sky ceiling, the easy familiarity and comfort everything around him had had. He chanced a glance at Sanzo. The monk really did have an astounding similarity to the man from his dream. Goku lay there, unmoving, for a few more minutes, before deciding it was both way too early to think about this and besides, he was hungry. He had never been able to think with an empty stomach.  
Once everyone had assembled for breakfast, Goku easily fell into the usual routine, though Hakkai had sent him a curious look. “You’re up early” he had remarked, watching Goku stumble to the table. Goku had merely shrugged, mumbled something about Jeep and waited for Hakkai's ever reliable politness to force him to let it drop. Sanzo had slipped down the stairs shortly after Goku, barely growling before his first cup of coffee and Hakkai eventually had to go get Gojyo himself, the kappa tripping down the stairs after him, still yawning, his red hair a mess. Goku had smirked, said: “I didn’t know you let chicks nest on your head now as well”, to which Gojyo had looked confused, until realization hit and he attempted to steal some of Goku’s sausages.  
The rest of the day passed in a similar fashion. They piled into Jeep and Goku even got to wave goodbye to the nice cook lady who had made the food for them today. It was a good day. Goku got to beat Gojyo at blackjack somewhere before lunch (even though the bastard refused to admit it), he managed to evade one of Sanzo’s uncountable paper fan strikes, convinced Hakkai to give him a second lunch after napping and as a last exercise before the evening, he even kicked a few youkai in the face. By the time it was night and everyone was getting ready to sleep, Goku had nearly forgotten about his dream altogether.  
Which of course meant that it happened again.

Goku opened his eyes to delicate pink petals falling through the air. Sakura, he realized with a blink. They seemed special somehow, even though he could swear he almost saw them every day. Sakura in Heaven were hardly hard to come by. “Are you coming up here, or what?”, a voice called from above and for a fleeting moment Goku thought of the colour red and cigarette smoke, before dismissing the thought.  
“Yes, I’m coming up, just gimme a minute!”  
He scrutinized the tree before him. Kenren had climbed it with practiced ease, but Goku wasn’t quite so sure. Hesitantly he placed his hands on the tree bark, rough beneath his hands. He looked for a suitable place to start climbing, deciding on a particular low-hanging branch. With a hop, he slung his arms around it, feet scrabbling for purchase against the tree trunk.  
“D’you need help with that?” Kenren called from a few branches above him. Goku glanced up towards his face, seeing through the easy-going grin to the concern glimmering in his eyes. Again, the colour red flashed through his mind, but he just shook his head. “No, I got this!”  
He gripped the branch tighter, before pulling himself up and on his elbows, the bark scraping against his stomach uncomfortably. Next came his feet, one leg swung in a high arc, before Goku sat securely against the trunk.  
“See?” He grinned up at Kenren. “Told ya I got this!”  
“You sure do. And here I was thinking I could teach you a thing or two.”  
Goku pulled a face. “I get enough teaching from Konzen and Ten-chan. They’re always nagging me about this and that.” He stuck out his tongue.  
Kenren laughed above him. “Yeah? What’re they trying to teach you this time?”  
Goku shrugged, careful not to overbalance while climbing onto the next branch. “Dunno. Something with numbers again. Ten-chan explained it the last time he brought Konzen books.”  
“Well, that’s what you’ve got me for”, Kenren explained, drawling. “I’m the _fun_ person around here.” He grin turned lopsided. “Believe me. Everyone around here can tell you just how much _fun_ I am in the right position.”  
Goku gave this due consideration, then said very evenly: “Please hit yourself.”  
“Huh?”  
“Konzen said to hit you whenever you make that kinda expression around me. But I can’t reach from down here.”  
Kenren let out a startled laugh, before his expression soured. “Damn bastard…” he muttered. “Trying to interfere and turn the kid against me…”  
Eventually Kenren stopped grumbling, face turning more serious. “Seriously though, whenever those two get too much, just come talk to me. I don’t have to tell you what a pain in the ass Konzen can be and I swear, Tenpou sometimes forgets where he is, never mind that you’re there with him.” He smiled fondly.  
Goku smiled too, finally reaching a branch the same height as Kenren’s. “No, it’s alright. Ten-chan always reads to me or brings me sweets when he forgets me again, and I’m not scared of Konzen. He’d never really hurt me.”  
“The lump on the back of your head says otherwise.”  
“Oh, that’s only really when I cause trouble. Cause Konzen has to take the blame. Only _all_ the fun stuff is trouble.”  
Kenren snorted and reached out to ruffle his hair. “You know it.” He winked. “And besides, from one older, stronger-“  
“Hey!”  
“- and more experienced troublemaker to another: If there’s no risk of getting caught, then it’s probably not worth doing in the first place.”  
“Is that what you say to Ten-chan when he has to defend you against the Commander again?”  
Kenren’s grin twitched. “Oi. How do you know about that?”  
Goku shrugged. “It’s kinda common knowledge, you know.”  
The man frowned, before he leaned back against the tree trunk with a long sigh. “Ah. Guess it can’t be helped. My reputation proceeds me.” He did not sound particularly upset about it.  
Kenren seemed to be content with the silence, lighting up a cigarette and taking in the view, but Goku couldn’t help shifting around on his perch. He gave the tree a long considerate look.  
“Hey, Ken-nii-chan.”  
“Hm?”  
“Do you think I can climb even further up?”  
“Well, the branches get a lot thinner, but you’re a kid so it should be fine.”  
“Yay!” Goku grabbed onto the nearest branch, heaving himself up with ease. He continued climbing, determined to reach the very top. From up there, he would be able to see all the way back to Konzen’s castle. Oh, maybe he could wave at him!  
“Uh, Goku…” came a hesitant voice from underneath him. “On second thought, remember those chains you wear? And how they’re like super heavy?”  
“Yeah, so? They’re cold and all, but I don’t mind.”  
“It’s just, I’m not sure those branches will carry your weight. I think you should come down!” He heard Kenren mutter something that sounded suspiciously like: “Konzen will absolutely murder me if I let you break a leg or something.”  
Goku narrowed his eyes. Was he being made fun off again? It was sometimes hard to tell with Kenren, since he was always grinning, but since the answer was usually yes, Goku decided to be offended. “You’re just scared I’ll fall on you.”  
“Yeah, well, I’d say that’s a valid fear.”  
“Don’t worry, I won’t fall. I’m way better at climbing trees than you are!”  
“Better than me?” The teasing tone was back in Kenren’s voice. “Dream on, kiddo.”  
“It’s true! You always hit your head against the branches or stumble when you jump down.”  
“Tch. You’re only better cause you got monkey genes in you.”  
Goku leaned forward hastily, shouting: “ _I’m not a monkey!_ ”  
This was, of course, the point at which he lost his balance, swinging forward too much and tumbling face first down the tree. He yelped, leaves hitting him in the face, before he felt himself being yanked upwards abruptly. Kenren had caught him by the back of his shirt, holding onto the tree with his legs. He grinned at him triumphantly. “Gotcha!”  
Unfortunately for the both of them, he had forgotten about Goku’s shackles again.  
With a foreboding creak the branch began to tilt towards the ground. Kenren barely had the time to say “Fuck!” before there was a loud crack and the two of them crashed on the ground with a loud thump.  
“Ow ow ow ow…!”  
“Goddammit kid, how do you carry these things?”  
“You made me rip my shirt! Now Konzen will be mad again!”  
Kenren rubbed the back of his neck, still sore from the fall. “Ah, sorry.” He smiled apologetically. “Let’s try not to do this next time, alright?”  
Goku grinned. “Yup!”

Again, Goku woke up abruptly and out of breath. It felt like his brain had gone through the equivalent of a night’s worth of exercise. Bodily gruelling, exhausting exercise. He heaved himself out of bed, ignored the glance Hakkai sent him and plopped down next to him at the table.  
“Is something the matter, Goku?”  
He tried to frown innocently. “No, why would it?”  
“Well, this is the second time you’re up immediately after me, which is a bit odd since usually I have to wake you up together with Gojyo.”  
Goku gave a noncommittal shrug. “Well, maybe I just don’t need so much sleep anymore. I’m not a child anymore.”  
Hakkai just ‘hmm’ed, which meant he didn’t believe him, but didn’t press any further.

After they had all found their place in the jeep again, continuing their journey as usual, Goku leaned back and decided that he needed a good, long think. Which sucked, because Gojyo kept trying to convince him to play blackjack with him again and Hakkai was refusing to distract him. Also, breakfast seemed like ages ago already.  
Nevertheless, the dreams bothered him. Mostly because they seemed like so much more than just dreams. Weren’t they supposed to fade after waking up? Instead, Goku could still remember everything with perfect clarity. Everything his dream-self had said, heard or done, as if he had been there himself. The second, even more confusing part, were the people. He could have sworn this Kenren looked exactly like Gojyo, only that the hair and the eyes were all wrong. Did he have another brother, apart from Dokugaku that Goku didn’t know about? But then again, why the hell should he be dreaming about Gojyo’s brother? That couldn’t be it either.  
Especially since there was also the matter of Konzen. There was an uncomfortable tight feeling in Goku’s chest whenever he thought about the man. Which made the fact that he both acted and looked like Sanzo extremely unnerving. It was eerie. The blond hair, the violet eyes, the attitude. Even getting hit on the head felt exactly the same. Goku stole a glance at the monk in the front seat. He seemed to be staring out at nothing, head turned towards where the landscape was rushing past them. The morning sun was glinting on his hair, making it shine bright gold, almost like the sunlight itself. Strange. He had never compared Sanzo’s hair to sunlight before, yet suddenly, it felt like the most obvious comparison in the world.  
A nudge in the ribs broke him out of his contemplations. “Hey, monkey.” Gojyo was staring at him from across the backseat. “You’re awfully quiet today. Still busy chewing on all that food you ate for breakfast?” Instead of rising to the bait, Goku looked him over with narrowed eyes. “Have you ever climbed a tree, Gojyo?”  
“Huh? Yeah, sure, must have. Why’re you asking?”  
“Then what do you think of sakura trees?”  
“They’re... alright I guess? Good, uhm, solid trees.”  
“And have you ever had the desire to _climb_ a sakura tree?”  
Gojyo leaned forwards, looking at him intently. “Okay, seriously monkey, what’s with the weird questions?” Red, Goku thought. This close, Gojyo's eyes were very noticeably red. Of course they were red, Goku shook his head, what else would they be?  
“It’s nothing.”  
“Nothing, just like that?” He raised an eyebrow.  
“Yeah, nothing.” Goku nodded for good emphasis. When Gojyo just continued to stare at him, he decided to change tactics. Putting on a grin, he asked: “I overheard that you want me to kick your ass in Blackjack again?”  
Gojyo grinned back. “Oh, you’re fucking on, twerp.”  
“Don’t call me a twerp!”  
From the front seat, Hakkai chuckled while Sanzo gave an annoyed grunt. Business as usual then.

After dinner, all four of them sat around the fire they had built. This time, they hadn’t found an inn (or a village for that matter. Helloooo bugs in Goku's underwear.) so that meant they were camping out again. Goku didn’t really mind. He actually rather enjoyed sleeping under the stars, especially after he had spent so much time with nothing but dark, rough stone over his head. Sometimes, when they were in rooms with low ceilings, it still felt like all that rock was smothering him.  
Goku shuddered, trying to turn his focus back to the fight Sanzo and Gojyo were having (“Stop fucking cheating, we all know you’re doing it.” “How the fuck do you wanna know? Master cheater yourself?” “No, but I can see when you’re exchanging cards, idiot.” “Yeah? Wanna see those damn cards? Here!” “Don’t shove your hands into my face, you damn kappa!” “I’ll have you know those are some very desirable hands! You should be grateful!” “Be grateful that I’m not shooting a hole in them, now back off!”), when he remembered the sky ceiling from his first dream. Now that had been beautiful.  
Goku stood up abruptly. “I think I’m turning in early tonight.” All three off his traveling companions looked up abruptly. Sanzo lowered his gun from where it had been pressing against Gojyo’s forehead. “Any particular reason?”  
“Nah, I’m just tired. Woke up sooner than normal.” This, at least, seemed to relax Hakkai a bit. Sanzo still looked at him suspiciously.  
“…Well, just don’t complain if we’re waking you up later”, he grumbled eventually.  
“I’m not the one who’s always complaining about that!”  
“Yeah, yeah.” He waved him off. “Just go to sleep.”  
Goku dusted himself off, turning away.  
“Night, guys.”  
There was a chorus of voices.  
“Goodnight, Goku.”  
“Yeah, night. Don’t drool on my pillow again.”  
“…Hmpf.”  
Goku wandered away from the fire and rolled out his sleeping mat. Too lazy to move too much, he stole Gojyo’s bedding and lay down. He stared up at the night sky for what felt like ages, but could also have been mere minutes, until he felt his eyelids grow heavy. Before he knew it, he was asleep.


	2. Chapter Two

When it was time to open his eyes again, Goku wasn’t quite sure if he was dreaming or if he had simply woken up in the middle of the night. Everything around him was dark but he couldn’t hear Gojyo snoring into his ear or Sanzo’s light breathing on the other side and why would there be anyone else in this room again? It was Konzen’s and he was nowhere in sight so what was he expecting? His old sleeping mat was still on the floor since no one had bothered to remove it and with a scowl he sat down next to it, leaning against the wall.  
As if summoned by his thoughts, the door opened and Konzen appeared. He just stood there silently for a while, the light from the hallway making him shine even more than usual. Today, it wasn’t enough to cheer Goku up. Konzen walked into the room, not bothering to close the door behind him. “How long do you plan on moping?” he asked into the dark of the room. He moved closer towards him. “Cut it out. Go to sleep.”  
Goku stubbornly stared at the opposing wall. “I’m not moping.”  
Konzen just sighed, waiting for him to continue. “Nataku…” Goku began, then buried his face in his arms, addressing the floor instead. “I think Nataku hates me now. Even when our eyes met… Even when I called out to him…” Goku heard the mattress of Konzen’s bed creak as he sat down, then another soft sigh.  
“Don’t you think there was a reason?”  
Goku’s head snapped up. “What reason?! I don’t understand!” Some part of him knew he shouldn’t shout at Konzen, but he was too angry and hurt to care. “Besides, he told me ‘Stay with me’.”  
Goku curled up again, remembering how happy he had felt, how glad he had been that this boy wanted him to stay, wanted to be his friend. “He seemed so lonely… I- I’ve always been alone too, so I really understand…” His voice was barely a whisper now. “When you’re lonely, it starts to hurt _here_.” He lay his hand over his heart and twisted viciously, in hopes that maybe this way he could counteract the pain he was feeling there right now.  
Konzen was quiet for a very long time, and Goku almost thought he wouldn’t speak at all when he said: “Goku… It was probably a mistake to bring you here to Heaven.”  
And then Goku wished he hadn’t spoken after all. “Huh?” he asked, hoping he misunderstood, hoping that Konzen wasn’t rejecting him too, wasn’t leaving him, panic streaming through his veins, whirling his thoughts into disarray. Didn’t Konzen like him anymore?! Just like Nataku…!  
“You shouldn’t be in a place like this”, Konzen continued, calm and clear. “There are people here with rotten characters that will use you.”  
Goku wanted to shout: “I don’t care about that!” but Konzen was already speaking again. “Tomorrow I’ll go see Kanzeon Bosatsu. Maybe you can be returned to the world below. She can probably-”  
Konzen finally looked up, meeting Goku’s glare full-on. Huh. Goku hadn’t even noticed that he had started glaring, but his words just hurt so much… He found nothing but cool surprise in those violet eyes, and the wish for the warmth of anger came at Goku in a startling rush. He jumped up, ready to run away, he didn’t care where, just away, away from this man who hurt him so much, who wanted to send him away, away from him-  
“Hey, Goku!” There was a hand at his wrist, holding tight.  
Holding onto him.  
“Wait…”  
But Goku didn’t want to be held right now. “No! Let go!”  
“Listen to what I’m saying, you idiot!”  
Goku didn’t care anymore. “Why- Why are you saying this?! I just became friends with Ten-chan and Ken-nii-chan!” It was just so unfair! “You even gave me a name… Even when I made you mad, you didn’t tell me to ‘get out’!” And that was rather the point, wasn’t it?  
Konzen didn’t want him anymore.  
He yanked his wrist away from Konzen’s arm as hard as he could, pulling forwards while Konzen was being pushed back. With a crash he fell against the wall and instantly all of Goku’s anger vanished and guilt rushed through him, ice-cold dousing the flames.  
“Sorry!” He hadn’t meant to- “Konzen?!” The man didn’t move from where he was slumped against the wall. “I’m sorry, Konzen!” Goku stormed towards him, his small frame wrecked by tremors of guilt and shame. “Are you ok?” He reached out. “Kon-“ But before he could finish his sentence, a gentle hand caught him around his wrist. He was startled into stillness, watching Konzen's hair drape over his moving lips.  
“I’m… not the sun.”  
The broken whisper seemed to bridge the silence between them.  
“Konzen…?”  
The man stared up at him. “By assuming that things were indifferent, I behaved like a spoiled child, going with a tedious and lukewarm everyday life.” He sighed. “I don’t have the worldly knowledge that Tenpou or Kenren have. And yet… And yet it seems I’ve come to think about what I can _do_.” And then, impossibly, Konzen smiled. Just a tiny lifting of his lips, almost a smirk, but kinder, warmer. Sadder. “And it’s because of you.”  
Goku just stared at him for a bit. That was…good? That last bit had sounded good. There was a happy sensation fusing together the ripped shreds of hurt in his chest. In the end he settled for whining as loud as he could: “Konzen is weeeeeird!” because that was the easiest thing to do. “Did you hit yourself?”  
Goku could practically see the tiny pissed off storm clouds that gathered around Konzen’s head at that. And that was even better, because an angry Konzen was a normal one and not one that kept saying horrible things and tried to send him away.  
But instead of hitting him Konzen just said: “If you think I’m weird… then take the blame for it and stay here.”  
Goku beamed at him. Stay here? Yeah, he could do that.  
“Ok!”

This time, when Goku woke up, it was the first time it happened slowly despite his fast beating heart. He was only mildly surprised to find a smile on his lips. Goku considered rolling over again, trying to drift off and away to dream-vision land, but then he smelled something delicious in the air. Breakfast. There was… eggs and roasted veggies, which he was admittedly less thrilled about, but underneath that the unmistakable smell of bacon and sausages and was that pork? That was definitely pork. Oh, and fresh pressed orange juice! For the first time in what felt like forever, Goku was genuinely excited about food again.  
He rolled out of his sleeping bag, quickly pulled on the rest of his clothes and made for the camping fire. Hakkai was already there, turning over the sausages patiently. “I’m hungryyyy!” he announced and stretched out greedy fingers towards those delicious, delicious bacon stripes. Hakkai slapped his hand away. “And you will stay that way until the others have woken up.” He laughed at Goku’s despondent expression. “Sorry, Goku, but if I let you start eating right away there won’t be anything left for the others.”  
“I know, but _aw man_.” He looked over the assorted food again. “You’ve really outdone yourself this time.”  
“Well, I was in a good mood when I woke up.”  
“Why, did something happen?”  
“No, not in particular. Just a regular evening and a regular morning. There’s quite a lot of contentment to be found in a good routine, don’t you think?”  
“Yes, but I think there’s quite a lot _more_ contentment to be found in eating all this food!”  
Hakkai smiled at that, genuine and warm, and Goku almost felt a little proud.  
“Patience, Goku. You’ll get to eat eventually.”  
“But Hakkai, look at it! It’s right there, practically begging to be eaten. Yes, it’s begging, definitely begging.” He inched his hand towards the bacon again, but Hakkai was faster. Damn him.  
He pouted, then grinned as a thought occurred to him.  
“For real though, thank you for cooking, Hakkai. Do you think we could convince Sanzo to let you cook more often if I help you make more coffee?”  
Hakkai shook his head, looking a bit disappointed. “I don’t think so. Buying fresh ingredients is always expensive and we never know if they’ll stay fresh long enough to use.”  
Goku shrugged. “If it’s about the money, I wouldn’t worry. I know where Sanzo keeps the card and I’m sure I could steal it. Besides, I don’t think he’d be too mad, he likes it when you get all housewife-y and-“ A paper fan to the back of his head interrupted him.  
“Ow! Sanzooo!”  
“Don’t be a moron, moron”, the monk replied, before sitting down next to him. “Is the kappa still not up yet?”  
Hakkai glanced between the two of them, but quickly decided that whatever it was, it wasn’t worth it, and answered: “Yes. Should I go and wake him?”  
“Yeah, go ahead. I’m not starving on account of him”, he scoffed.  
Hakkai moved away and Sanzo turned an accusing stare on Goku.  
“You better not be stupid enough to really think you can steal from me, monkey.”  
Goku stifled an angry retort (not a damn monkey, okay?!) and instead managed a somewhat sheepish grin. “Heh, sorry, I couldn’t resist. Besides, I only wanted to tease Hakkai anyway.”  
Sanzo almost-smiled in that decidedly un-nice way of his. “Well, if you want to figure out what Hakkai gets like when he’s being teased, you’re more than welcome to find out.”  
Goku gulped. “I think I’ll stick to Gojyo.”  
“Good monkey.”  
Goku almost bristled at that again, but before he could quite possibly earn himself a second whack on the head, Hakkai returned with a very sleepy looking Gojyo. He didn’t look very angry, carefully leading Gojyo over to the campfire with a hand on his arm. But with Hakkai it was always very hard to tell… Right now Goku had bigger problems though. Mainly, how he could get the most amount of food in his mouth in the shortest amount of time.  
“I can eat now, right Hakkai?”  
“Hm? Oh yes. Please go ahead everyone.”  
That was all the permission he needed and for a few blissful minutes everything that was on Goku’s mind was shortly thereafter in Goku’s mouth and then in Goku’s stomach. It was a good feeling. Even when Gojyo stole the last bit of scrambled egg. He just thought of all the ways he could take revenge later.  
When he finally found place in his brain for actual, rational thought again, he began to eat a bit slower, observing the people around him. Gojyo and Hakkai seemed to be having an argument, though it was a bit hard to tell (“You’ve barely eaten anything.” “Oh, I ate a little bit when I was cooking already.” “...” “…” *thump* “Here, eat this.” “Gojyo…” “Don’t give me that look. I know you like it and I know you consistently forget to take care of yourself. So. Eat.” “Gojyo, I am perfectly capable of-“ “Just fucking eat it already, would you?” “…Of course. Thank you.” “Tch …No problem.”) and Sanzo… Sanzo was just sitting there, already perusing his usual newspaper, his reading glasses delicately perched on his nose.  
Goku couldn’t help it. “You look like the sun.”  
Everybody turned to look at him and it suddenly got very quiet. Goku desperately tried not to blush.  
“I-I mean. Just look at him. Your hair is literally glowing, Sanzo!”  
That was probably the wrong thing to say.  
“Especially in the mornings. It’s like, the sun is extra bright. Which makes you extra bright as well.”  
Yeah, he should definitely shut up.  
“Uhm. Yeah. I just sorta… noticed that.”  
Sanzo stared at him evenly, albeit definitely just as stunned as the rest of them. Finally, he said, very, very softly: “Don’t make me hit you, you idiot monkey.” But Goku thought he could just detect a very fine hint of pleasure intermingled with embarrassment in there.  
Sanzo disappeared behind his newspaper again and Goku grinned brightly, returning to his food.  
Then, of course, Gojyo had to ruin it all.  
“Awwwwww! Did our dear Sanzo-sama gain a new admirer? Or, oh, is it perhaps an old one?”  
You could hear a pin drop in the ensuing silence. Then:  
“Shut up, you damn perverted kappa! And don’t say it in such a sickly sweet tone!”  
“What other tones should I use then, idiot monkey?! I don’t think I have that much tenderness in me.”  
“Yes, because you’re nothing but a pervert, pervert!”  
“Oi, you’ve got no right to call me that, you damn monkey!”  
“I’m not a monkey you horrible, slimy, stinking kappa bastard!”  
“Say that again, you little lice-ridden animal!”  
“What, the part about you being slimy and horrible or the part about you being a stinking kappa?!”  
Sanzo exploded: _“Shut the fuck up the both of you or I’ll kill you for real this time!”_  
Hakkai smiled: “Please make sure not to hit our camping equipment, Sanzo. I can’t use it if there’s bullet holes in it.”  
“Awww, you would hurt your little admirer, really? Such a heartless role model, shooting at innocent children.”  
“I’m not a child!”  
Two loud shots, then plaster trickling down a wall.  
“The next time it’ll be your heads now _shut the flying fuck up!_ ”  
Blessed, blessed silence.  
Somewhere in the background Jeep sneezed.  
“…”  
“…”  
“…”  
“…Don’t you dare shoot him, Sanzo.”

After they all piled into (a thankfully bullet-hole-less) Jeep, their journey continued. Just like it always did. They even reached a village again this time, with proper shops and proper restaurants and proper inns. And even though Gojyo kept making comments like “Hey, Goku look! This plate here’s real shiny, don’t you think it looks just like _the sun_?” or “Man, you really gotta appreciate how gold this stuff looks in the _sunlight_!” Goku kept himself satisfied with smirking at the weird looks everybody kept throwing Gojyo, like he’d lost his mind or something. Which just made him comment even more, but every time the urge to punch the damn cockroach got too big, he just distracted himself with all the food stands.  
And God where there many. Dumplings of every size and variety, udon and soba and ramen and plenty of those little grill places, where they let you chose what you want and put it on a griller for you and Goku could swear someone around here was grilling beef right at this very moment.  
“Sanzo, can we go eat yakiniku, I’m hungry!”  
“We need to find an inn first”, came the gruff reply.  
“But I’m hungry!”  
“I don’t care.”  
“…You’re mean!”  
“Yeah, well, get fucking used to it.”  
Gojyo took that moment to slink over. “Guess there’s some clouds blocking your sun right now, eh?”  
Before Goku could respond Sanzo had hit Gojyo on the head with his paper fan and Gojyo was moaning on the floor, face stripped clear of mocking amusement.  
“Don’t call me sun, cockroach.”  
“You didn’t hit Goku when he called you that!”  
“Are you Goku? No? I didn’t fucking think so.” With that Sanzo strode away, leaving the three of them (okay, mostly Gojyo and Goku) gaping after him. Finally, Gojyo got himself together enough to straighten up and mumble “Goddamn bastard of a stingy monk. Playing favourites…”  
Out loud he said: “Come on Hakkai, I need some booze and you said you had shopping to do.” With that he grouched away. Hakkai tried and failed not to look entirely too amused by the situation and followed him. “See you later, Goku. Now hurry up or you’re going to miss the sunset.”  
Goku grumbled, sometimes Hakkai really was just as much of a bastard as the rest of them, but ran after Sanzo anyway.  
“Hey! Hey, wait for me, you bastard!”

Goku got his yakiniku after all, sitting in a small booth with Sanzo, while Gojyo and Hakkai were still out shopping. They had checked in at a middle-sized inn, large enough to have two free rooms with two individual beds, but still small enough to not ask too many questions or cost too much money. Sanzo had left a notice at the front desk, asking the nice lady to escort a tall red-head and his glasses-wearing companion to their room if they happened to show up and that she was more than free to punch the red-head in the face, should he start flirting with her.  
“Hey, Sanzo”, he addressed the man across from him. “Are you sure I can’t order more of these fish slices?”  
“Yes.”  
“Yes, I can’t order more or yes, I can?”  
“You know which one.”  
“But, Sanzo, they’re really good!” An idea occurred to him. “You can have some too! I’ll order for both of us.”  
Certain in his victory - who could resist more food after all - he raised his hand to flag down one of the waitresses. Sanzo slapped it down again.  
“No. You had more than enough and I’m not hungry.”  
Goku looked over at the lonely plate in front of the monk. “But you didn’t even eat that much.”  
“That’s because my stomach isn’t a bottomless pit like yours. Now leave it.”  
He stood up, striding over to where the restaurant kept a small supply of the day’s newspapers on a side table. That’s right, they had been camping, so Sanzo would like to read up on the news again.  
Goku kicked his legs beneath the table idly. He didn’t think his stomach was all that bottomless. He was just always very hungry, is all. It had always been that way! His head gave a sharp little stab of pain and Goku startled, surprised. Actually, no, it hadn’t! When he thought back to his dreams, none of his interactions with Konzen or Kenren had been underlying with the pervading sense of hunger that plagued him now, most of the time. Especially climbing that tree, that would have made him hungry for sure.  
Goku frowned a little at where Sanzo had slipped back into the booth across from him, half-hidden behind his newspaper.  
“Hey, Sanzo.”  
“I said no”, the man responded instantly.  
Goku made an impatient noise. “That’s not what I meant.”  
Sanzo looked at him, glaring a little as if to say _Well out with it then!_  
Goku’s plate suddenly seemed very fascinating. “Have I always been this hungry? Like, ever since you found me?”  
At this, Sanzo’s hands twitched, almost putting down the newspaper before he remembered himself. “Yes, actually. Pretty much one of the first things you ever said to me was when we could get any food.” He scowled at Goku, the effect only somewhat lessened by his reading glasses. “So far, you haven’t stopped annoying me about it.”  
Goku put the rest of the fish in his mouth, devouring them one after another while trying to think. Had his hunger really always been there? Or was the Goku in his dreams a different Goku after all and he just thought Goku-Goku and dream-Goku were the same person. It had never occurred to him to be anything else, of course dream-Goku was the same as him. Just a little… sooner. Younger perhaps.  
He slumped down in his seat, crossing his arms and letting them fall heavily onto the table. He sighed. “Why am I always this hungry then? It’s actually really annoying.”  
This time Sanzo did put down his newspaper, peering at him with violet eyes. “Are you sick?” he asked abruptly. “If you’re going to vomit, don’t do it in front of me.”  
When Goku didn’t answer, only stared at the table dejectedly, he scoffed. “You’re making up for lost time”, he said, quite plainly. Goku tilted his head up, confused. Sanzo continued: “There wasn’t any food in that cave, was there? And there sure as hell wasn’t anyone bringing you anything either. I don’t know how you survived at all, but until I came along, you probably hadn’t eaten anything for more than 500 years.”  
Goku was silent for quite some time, musing on this. Finally he decided on a smile, looking back up at Sanzo. “It’s a really good thing you found me then! You’ve officially introduced me to the best thing ever!” He gobbled up the last of the food with a satisfied burp.  
Sanzo just shook his head. “You’re disgusting and way too obsessed.”  
Goku smiled, predicting this response. “I wasn’t talking about the fish.” He beamed up at the monk. “I meant that you introduced me to freedom!”  
Sanzo seemed startled for a moment, violet eyes going wide, then disappeared behind his newspaper again.  
“Whatever. If you’re so free, then feel free to shut up for more than a few minutes at a time.”  
Goku laughed. “I meant more I’m free to eat anything and everything I could ever want. That’s way better! At least if you weren't that stingy with the card...”  
The newspaper rustled. “Don’t get greedy, idiot monkey.”  
Goku just smiled, knowing that under normal circumstances he would have gotten hit on the head for that for sure.

Later, when Goku was sinking into a warm, soft bed, stomach nice and full (all four of them had gone out for dinner as well, Sanzo being in a rather magnanimous mood), it occurred to him that maybe he should just be a tiny bit more worried about this whole dream-vision stuff. What if it was harmful? Or someone was trying to tell him something and he just didn’t understand? In the end Goku decided that it hadn’t been harmful yet and he was way too tired to think about that stuff now anyway. A moment later, he nodded off.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, see the tags? This is the chapter where things get a bit shippy, so hope everyone is ok with that. But I had a lot of fun with this one, so yeah. But worry not, the next one's going to get serious. Well... at least a little.  
> Now though, it's time for more confused Goku. Enjoy~!

When Goku opened his eyes again, he was peering over the edge of a table and at a pile of books. “Are these the ones, Konzen?” he asked, glancing over his shoulder. The blond man looked up from where he was sorting through a stack of paper.  
“Yes. Bring them over to Tenpou, I just need to finish this.”  
“And then you’ll come to the garden with me?”  
Konzen looked strained. “Yes. Now go. You’re keeping me from my work.”  
“Promise me?” He hopped over to Konzen’s desk, looking up at him. The man looked back, face impassive. Then his tight lips softened just a little bit and he gave a long-suffering sigh.  
“Yes, I promise you.”  
“Yay!” Goku grinned and threw his hands in the air, before running over to the books again. He grabbed them, humming “Konzen’s gonna play with me, Konzen’s gonna play with me!” and ambled over to the door, before turning around one time, flashing Konzen a bright grin. “Thank you!”  
Konzen gave another sigh, carefully letting his hair fall into his face. “Just don’t drop them, monkey”, but Goku was almost sure that he was smiling. Or at least as close to smiling as one could ever get with Konzen.  
In a good mood, Goku left the castle, skipping along the path, the books hardly a strain for his arms. Halfway through the garden, he looked over at another house, still half hidden away behind trees and bushes. He should visit Nataku again sometime soon, maybe he had finally woken up. He gave the house a last longing look, before continuing on his way. He was on a mission, he couldn’t get distracted! Konzen had given him a mission and he was going to complete it and then Konzen was going to play with him and this time maybe he wouldn’t even hit him. Though that really wasn’t so bad either. Oh, maybe he could convince Ten-chan to join them! Although spending time alone with Konzen was fun too…  
Finally he arrived at the building Tenpou’s office was located at, though Goku was pretty sure he lived here too. Heaven was weird like that. He walked up to the door, extra careful not to drop anything, now that he was so close to his goal and knocked on the door.  
No answer.  
He knocked again, a bit more forceful this time, but after waiting a few moments there still wasn’t anybody to open the door. Goku pouted, knocked again. Was Tenpou ignoring him? Then he remembered that sometimes the marshal simply didn’t hear anything, as immersed as he was in his books. Goku gave the door a considering look. The last time this had happened he had simply opened the door, only to be greeted by a shower of a large amount of very heavy hardcovers, an experience he was in no hurry to repeat. There had to be a second entrance somewhere.  
Slowly, he made his way around the building, trying to remember what Tenpou’s office looked like from the inside. He didn’t know anything about a second door, but there were definitely windows. That would have to be enough, Goku decided. No way was Ten-chan’s temporary deafness going to keep him from completing his mission.  
After rounding the building a second time, he decided on a window at the back, rather low and situated over a bank that Goku could use for his advantage. Shifting the books under one arm, he took a few steps before running straight at the building. At the last moment, he jumped, landing first on the bank, before bending his knees and using the momentum to catapult himself upward. Shoes scraping against the wall, using it as a second jumping point, he gripped the window sill with his free hand. Goku heaved himself up with a little struggle but nothing he couldn’t handle. Then, he carefully set the books down next to him and looked inside. And promptly froze.  
Tenpou was there after all, but he wasn’t reading. Instead he appeared to be half sitting on, half being pushed against his desk by General Kenren, whose hands were at his waist, firmly holding him in place. They also appeared to be kissing. Tenpou’s arms were twined around Kenren’s neck, fingers playing with the strands of hair at the nape of his neck and yup, definitely kissing. Though this looked like a bit more than kissing, or at least what Goku had thought kissing was like. Whatever they were doing, Goku decided with a shudder that it was rather disgusting and could they please stop soon?  
He politely waited for them to desist, but just as he was ready to rejoice - their mouths had finally separated - Kenren’s head disappeared in the crook of Tenpou’s neck, who threw his head back in a rather helpless sort of gesture. His arms disentangled themselves from around Kenren’s neck, moved down across his chest before landing very firmly on his ass. He pulled him closer.  
Goku felt his nose scrunch up and began to feel entirely too weird about this. He knocked very loudly on the window. The two of them visibly startled and their heads whipped around and in his direction. Goku waved at them forcefully. When they didn’t move, Goku pushed against the window glass, which swung open soundlessly, permitting him entry. He hopped down into the office, grabbed the books and went over to the desk, which Kenren was still very much pushing Tenpou up against. Well, at least they weren’t kissing anymore, Goku decided and pulled a face.  
“You’re gross”, he announced matter-of-factly and dropped the books down beside Tenpou.  
They just blinked at him, wide-eyed, looking mildly curious on Tenpou’s and outright horrified on Kenren’s behalf. Goku studied them. Tenpou’s lips were very, very red and there was what appeared to be a bite mark on Kenren’s lower lip. Which was very noticeable since his mouth was still hanging open.  
Goku tapped his own lip. “Doesn’t that hurt?”  
Kenren just looked at him. “...Huh?”  
“Your bite mark, right there. Doesn’t it hurt?” Goku frowned, confused. “Did Ten-chan bite you? Why would he do that? Do you taste good? Like meat?”  
At this Tenpou gave a very high-pitched giggle, just a few wavelenghts away from hysteria, before reaching for his glasses, which were lying next to him on the desk. He put them on and took a moment to straighten himself out a little, though Goku noticed that his hands went right back to Kenren’s body, gripping his forearms this time. He grimaced.  
“Nothing quite like you think, Goku”, Tenpou said sensibly. “Now." He cleared his throat. "Why did you come here?”  
Goku gestured towards the books. “Konzen said to bring these over to you, he read ‘em, so he doesn’t need them anymore. But he’s busy with work, so I’m giving them back instead of him.”  
Tenpou smiled. “Ah, yes, thank you. I’ll put them back in a minute.”  
Goku shook his head. “No, you won’t. You’ll just put them somewhere, then forget about them until they’re already covered by something else.”  
At this Kenren finally seemed to come back to life as well, because he grinned and said: “Kid has you all figured out already.”  
Tenpou turned towards him, tilting his head. “Such a shame”, he announced. “Seems like you’re not the only one aware of my bad habits anymore.”  
Kenren huffed out a laugh. “Those are hardly a secret, Ten.”  
Tenpou leaned forward, hands creeping up to his shoulders. “Well, but you are the one most intimately familiar with them.” He pulled on Kenren’s shoulders, the other man easily following his movements. “I should damn well hope so…” the general muttered, lips almost touching again.  
“Yuck. Are you guys going to kiss again?” Goku interrupted with a frown. “Cause I don’t want to see that but I also don’t want to leave without Konzen’s books.”  
The two snapped apart and Tenpou sent him an apologetic look. “Ah, I’m afraid I hadn’t had the time yet to look for some new ones. My apologies.”  
Goku frown deepened. “Why not? Usually you don’t forget that kinda stuff.”  
“Oh, I didn’t forget. I was merely…” He exchanged a look with Kenren. “…busy.”  
Goku shrugged, not really caring to expand further upon that topic. “Well, I’m leaving then. Konzen promised to go to the garden with me.” He beamed at them, good mood almost instantly restored.  
“Sounds great, kid”, Kenren grinned back.  
“You can come too, Konzen won’t mind! He might pretend like he does, but not really.”  
“Uhm, thanks, but we wouldn’t wanna disturb you two. Right?”  
“Right. Definitely right”, Tenpou nodded.  
“Oh, ok then”, Goku shrugged, already turning away and running towards the window.  
Behind him he heard two voices, conversing with each other quietly. “Fuck, I can’t believe that just happened.” Hummed agreement. “Mhm, that certainly was a first for me too.” There was a rustle of paper being moved around. “Now… You said something about being intimate?”  
Goku shuddered and dropped down from the window sill. Next time he was braving the door again.

Goku woke with a gasp on his lips and immediately bolted upright. He gave a full body shudder. He had already grasped that Kenren and Gojyo were so similar it made sense their sex drive was probably very much the same as well, but Tenpou had really looked a lot like-  
“Oh my God”, he blurted, eyes wide.  
“Goku? Did something happen?” a concerned voice asked next to him and Goku whipped his head around only to stare into Hakkai’s green eyes. He felt his entire face heat up.  
“N-nothing, Hakkai. Nothing at all!” He giggled uncomfortably, then quickly averted his eyes, when that just reminded him of his dream. _Does he taste good?_ His own voice echoed through his mind. Oh God… Goku groaned and buried his increasingly red face in his hands. His dream-self must really be younger than him to ask those questions so innocently.  
He felt Hakkai’s hand touch his arm. “You seem rather out of it, if you don’t mind me saying.” He could practically hear the friendly smile Hakkai had to be wearing, but all he could think about was where those hands might have been.  
He stood up quickly, shaking Hakkai’s hand off in the process. “Just had a really weird dream, nothing to worry about. I’m gonna make sure that Jeep’s alright now, okay, good, bye!” He rushed out, attempting to breeze past a very startled looking Hakkai. Unfortunately for him Gojyo had noticed the commotion and stuck his head through the door. “Ah, is the twerp finally up? Here I was beginning to get hopeful I could get to steal his breakfast.”  
For the first time in maybe his entire life, Goku had a priority higher than food.  
Instead, he could not for the life of him stop looking away from where Gojyo had draped one arm oh so casually over Hakkai’s shoulder, after ambling over to him. And now Hakkai was leaning into him subtly, shifting his footing so he could support the additional weight better! Goku could feel his face going red again.  
But no, he tried to rationalize. Gojyo did this sort of thing all the time, the damn kappa had no concept of personal space. He regularly used Goku as an armrest and was the only one daring (and/or stupid) enough to invade Sanzo’s personal space bubble on a regular basis. That didn’t have to mean anything!  
Still, Goku couldn’t get the picture out of his head, of the two men who had looked and acted so very much like two of his closest friends, making out. Against a desk. On a desk. Goku groaned. Goddammit.  
He scrambled to get past the two older men, “Checking on Jeep, remember?” and didn’t dare to look back, for fear of how close their faces might be together. He could hear them talking to each other (“What the fuck is his deal?” “I’m afraid I don’t know. He’s beginning to worry me, to be honest.” “You mean, he’s been like this for a while?” “Yes, actually…”) before their voices faded away, replaced by the rustle of Sanzo’s newspaper and the bubbling of the coffeepot on the camping cooker in the corner. Goku plopped down with a heavy sigh, looking at the assorted breakfast of the last of their travel rations from camping. He heaped his plate with as much food as he could reach, even if his appetite was gone. He was going to need it, dammit. Sanzo shot him a curious look over the rim of his glasses, but Goku merely shook his head a little bit and began to eat. He saw Sanzo shrug dismissively, but also didn’t miss the furtive glances he kept shooting in his direction from time to time. He really wasn’t as sneaky as he sometimes believed himself to be.  
The awkwardness remained with Goku all throughout the morning and until lunch, at which point they had stumbled upon a new village. It was small, hidden behind a rock formation, but they hadn’t had any youkai attacks yet, so after getting a big meal, they hurried to get out of there as quickly as possible. No need to trouble them with youkai assassins when there was still time to drive on.  
At this time Goku had come to a uncomfortable sort of acceptance of the situation, mostly because he had watched Gojyo and Hakkai like a hawk all morning and since neither of them had snuck away to, say, make out against a desk, he was beginning to relax again. A small part of his brain was calling him a moron, because they had, after all, spent the whole day in a car, so there had hardly been any opportunity to make out against a desk. The other, bigger part of his brain insisted that that was a very reasonable fear indeed, since there were few things he wanted to see less than those two sticking their tongues down each other’s throats. It was bad enough when Gojyo was flirting with women.  
By the time it was beginning to get dark, Goku was participating in an altogether different kind of observing those two, mostly because of the youkai that had attacked them beforehand. As always they had come out of nowhere, or at least that’s what the youkai had believed, since these morons apparently still hadn’t figured out that they could all sense their energy. Sanzo had gotten out his gun and put on glare #3, which usually meant some youkai were going to piss their pants. At least they would, if all the organs necessary for such a task hadn't been replaced with bullets at that point in time. Gojyo and Goku had raced each other to the front line, trying to claim the first kill, while Hakkai had stayed back, cool as a cucumber, waiting for the youkai to come to him, only to make insufferably self-satisfied, passive-aggressive comments when they were actually stupid enough to go after the apparent “easy target”. It had been normal. It had been good.  
At least until one of the youkai started making some very vulgar comments about Goku and Hakkai’s demon power limiters, calling them traitors to their race, blah blah blah, the usual, to which Gojyo had reacted very unfavourable indeed, rushing the bastard. Only that had apparently been exactly what he had wanted, revealing spikes beneath his skin, which stabbed Gojyo where he had attempted to clock him one, at which point Sanzo had simply shot the youkai through the head. Gojyo had looked a bit stunned, then annoyed, then embarrassed when Hakkai had come rushing forward, insisting on healing him while making some very pointed comments about thinking before acting, at which Gojyo had rolled his eyes. But his cheeks had been, perhaps, just one shade too red for post-battle exhaustion and Hakkai had been, perhaps, staring a bit too intently at where Gojyo’s hand lay between his. And maybe, just maybe, Goku had even seen him stroke his thumb over Gojyo’s knuckles, very carefully.  
It didn’t come as a surprise to him then, that by the time they were having dinner (by some small miracle they had found another town, this one even smaller and dustier than the one at lunch) Goku was feeling very smug indeed. He was never going to let Gojyo get away with teasing Sanzo for not having any interest in women ever again. He was never going to let Gojyo get away with this _fullstop_. So many teasing opportunities!, Goku thought gleefully.  
Still, this sort of thing needed more proof and Goku still wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about it. So he continued observing.  
He didn’t think he was being very obvious about it until Sanzo, having abandoned his usual place at the window, murmured next to him: “I see you’ve finally noticed it too?”  
Startled, Goku looked at him. “Noticed what?”  
“Those two.” He nodded over to where Hakkai and Gojyo were bickering over a game of poker on one of the beds. Goku had stayed out of this one for information gathering purposes. Apparently, he hadn’t been the only one.  
“You mean”, he said slowly, “the fact that the perverted kappa clearly isn’t as much against men as he likes to pretend?” He still wasn’t sure about Hakkai, since he found him a lot harder to read. Also, Goku actually felt vaguely guilty about spying on him, a guilt that had vanished for Gojyo completely after the fifth time he had ever called him a monkey.  
Sanzo made a disdainful sound next to him. “Oh, not only the kappa. Hakkai too.”  
“Really? How can you tell?”  
Sanzo shot him an unreadable look, before slightly extending and pointing with his little finger. “You see that smile?” Goku nodded. “Ever seen Hakkai smile at anyone else like that?”  
Goku looked over at the two of them, scrutinizing. “No, I suppose not.”  
“There you go. That’s all the proof you need with him. He has far too much self-control for any other show of emotion, what with that giant stick up his ass. Doesn’t stop him from glowing like the prettiest fucking maiden at the ball.” He scoffed derisively.  
Goku was silent for a while. Then: “Do they know?”  
Sanzo snorted. “At this point these two are the only two idiots who _don’t_ know. Hakkai at least has the sense to recognize his own feelings but Gojyo probably has his head so far up his own ass he’s looking out of his throat.”  
He fished around in his robes, stuck a cigarette between his lips and yelled “Lighter!” Gojyo's head shot up from where he was telling Hakkai something, body language radiating annoyance at being interrupted like this, before he threw a small metal object in their general direction. “Just get your fucking own already!” Sanzo closed his fingers around the lighter effortlessly, lit up and sighed the smoke back into the air. Gojyo turned back to Hakkai, who gave him a sympathetic smile.  
“Christ”, the monk grumbled. “How much more obvious can they get? It’s making me sick.”  
“Well, it took me quite a while to figure it out, too”, Goku felt the need to protest.  
“You don’t count. You’re a monkey.”  
“Oi! I’m not a monkey! And what do you mean by ‘I don’t count’?!”  
“Let me put it this way. If even you have noticed, do you really think they’re all that good at hiding it?”  
Goku decided not to mention his dream and muttered “I’m not _that_ unobservant…” in a last ditch effort to save his dignity. Sanzo didn’t even warrant that with an answer and continued smoking in silence.  
When he was down to all but the glimmering filter at the front, Goku opened his mouth again, because this was the sort of question Sanzo still had a better chance of answering than him.  
“Do you think, we should, you know... Help them?”  
“Help them with what? Getting together?” He pronounced the last word like it was some sort of deadly disease.  
“Kind of, yeah.”  
“And how do you propose we do that?” Sanzo sneered. “Press their heads together and hope for the best?”  
Goku, who had a very clear image in his head of what that would probably look like, quickly shook his head. “No! No, but, I mean. We gotta do something, right? Wouldn’t they be happier?”  
Sanzo was silent for a very long moment, finishing off his cigarette and putting it out with the heel of his boot. Then he just looked at Goku.  
“Do they look unhappy?” he asked, very simply.  
Goku watched as Gojyo was startled into laughter by whatever weird thing Hakkai had most likely said this time. The dim light from the lamp at the ceiling was making his hair appear even more red than usual, which was a nice contrast to Hakkai’s eyes, which were shining a bright, happy green. “No”, he admitted quietly, turning back to Sanzo.  
“Then why the fuck would there be any reason for us to do something?”  
Goku sighed, and wrapped his arms around his legs. “Guess you’re right.”  
Sanzo cuffed him around the head, but only lightly. “I’m always right, monkey.”

When Goku went to bed this day, he almost found himself looking forward to his dreams. There was a sense of comfort and… safety that accompanied his time spent there. Not that he disliked being on their journey west, but Jeep got cramped quickly and all the youkai attacks didn’t exactly help relax either. Awkward situations none withstanding, he liked dreaming about Konzen, Tenpou and Kenren. Even the uncomfortable feeling he sometimes got in his chest thinking about them couldn’t ruin that.  
He still looked forward to dreaming after he met Nataku for the first time.  
He still looked forward to dreaming after reliving the early days, when Konzen’s temper had just kept on exploding and exploding.  
He still looked forward to dreaming after he nearly drowned on a fishing trip with Kenren because his chains made it impossible to swim.  
He especially looked forward to dreaming after Tenpou showed him how to make flower crowns and he got Konzen to wear one for the entire day.  
Somewhere along the way, his dreams had become a safe haven and Goku found himself going to sleep early more often than not. Today was no different and his eyes fluttered shut with remarkable ease.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm afraid I really enjoy having them fight way too much...

When he opened them again, he quickly swept his gaze around and determined that he was, once again, at Konzen’s workplace. He was getting familiar with the place, Goku thought absentmindedly. Much nicer than Jeep… But then, who wouldn’t prefer the safety of one’s home to… what was it again? Goku shook the sleep from his head and opened his mouth: “Hey, Konzen, can we go to the sakura tree with Ten-chan and Ken-nii-chan again someday? Last time was really fun.”  
The man looked up from where he was seated at his desk. “You really want to spend time with those two idiots again?”  
“Why not? Ten-chan is really smart and knows a lot of things and Ken-nii-chan is always smiling and does fun stuff with me, like chasing birds across the garden.” He pouted. “Besides, I know that you hung out with Ten-chan before I was around, so you can’t even pretend!”  
Konzen gave him a considering stare, before letting out a heavy sigh and giving in. “Fine. But only if you go ask them.”  
“Sure thing!” Goku smiled, already making his way towards the door. “What, you want to ask them right now?” Konzen frowned at him. “They could be busy. Have a mission or a meeting or something.”  
“But why? I'm important!”  
“They do have jobs in the military, you know?”  
“Of course I know that. They’re called marshal and general after all. Though I don’t think I’ve ever seen Ten-chan in uniform…” Goku trailed off, trying to imagine what Tenpou would look like in the outfit Kenren wore every day. That was a uniform right? He could see the coat, the pants, even the black leather gloves. Only the skull didn’t quite seem to fit. Maybe a book would be better? Did such a thing exist, a small book on a chain to hang around your neck? Well, if anyone would or could wear such an item, it would surely be Ten-chan, he decided. Then he tried to imagine Konzen in military uniform, but that didn’t work out at all. He scrutinized the man, holding up his fingers for reference to see where exactly the coat would end and how wide his shoulders would look with those plates.  
He heard someone breath in a very large amount of air, then release it in a rush. “Goku? ...What the hell are you doing?” Konzen’s eyebrows twitched in that particular way of his. Goku gave him a wide grin. “I’m trying to imagine you in Ken-nii-chan’s uniform! But somehow it doesn’t seem to be working at all…” The eyebrow twitching intensified. Goku got kind of worried. He could hear Konzen murmur: “I’m gonna hit him, I’m gonna hit him, any minute now, I’m gonna hit him.” His fingers were holding onto the desk very firmly, knuckles turning white.  
“I think you’d look really cool in leather”, Goku blurted out, cringed, then shouted “Okay, Imma visit Ten-chan now, bye Konzen, see you later!” and ran for his life.  
" _Come back here you monkey-ass brat!_ "  
Once out of convenient hitting - and throwing, Goku had had to learn quickly - range, he started giggling. Konzen was too much fun, even if getting hit all the time really hurt after a while. Right now though, he had a mission to complete.  
Once he reached Tenpou’s office, he paused for a bit. He was supposed to knock, wasn’t he? Konzen always hit him when he didn’t, but surely Ten-chan wouldn’t do that, right? Still, Goku tried to look as polite as he could and knocked. No answer. He increased his knocking a bit. Silence. “Ten-chaaan! Open up!” Still no answer. “Don’t ignore me!”  
When nothing but chirping birds answered his outburst, Goku pouted again. He tried to look through the gap between door and ground for some sort of lightsource, but everything was dark. “Konzen must have been right…” he muttered, feeling rather dejected. “He’s probably busy with military stuff.” He sighed and flopped down on the floor, unsure what to do. Nataku was still recuperating, Ten-chan wasn’t here and if he went back to Konzen now, he would surely just get whacked on the head repeatedly. Better to stay away a while. That only left Kenren but Goku had no idea where he lived. Although, he could faintly remember him complaining about still sleeping in the barracks to Tenpou, while the marshal had gotten a nice, fancy office…  
Goku sprang up on his feet, bad mood instantly forgotten. He left his place in front of the office and skipped away in direction of the military buildings. Konzen had pointed them out to him on one of Goku’s first days with him, along with the warning to ‘never go there, you stupid monkey’ but Goku was more than happy to ignore that. Life was boring without a bit of rule-breaking! Ken-nii-chan agreed with him, so he had to be right!  
By the time he had reached his destination, the amount of people milling around had increased. Goku ran up to one of them at random.  
“Hey, Mister! Do you know where…” He thought very hard for a second. “…General Kenren of the Western Army is?”  
The man looked him over, suspicion in his gaze. “And who might you be?”  
Goku grinned, always more than happy to answer this particular question. “My name is Son Goku!” he announced proudly.  
Another man came over to them. “Isn’t that that new heretic brat that Kanzeon Bosatsu’s nephew is taking care of?”  
The first man frowned. “Don’t tell me that spoiled guy is coming over too.”  
Goku looked between the two of them confusedly. “Hey, hey! Are you talking about Konzen?”  
“So it is him”, the second man remarked. “Where have you left your keeper?” he addressed Goku with a sneer.  
“He’s not my keeper! And I don’t care about that at the moment! I just want to know where Ken-nii-chan is!”  
“Ken-nii-chan…?”  
“Yeah, he mentioned something about General Kenren before.”  
The second man scoffed. “Figures that troublemaker would get mixed up with something like this sooner or later.”  
Fed up with the two men talking over him, Goku exclaimed: “You’re stupid! I’m going to look for him myself!” He was about to stomp off, when a hand grabbed the back of his shirt.  
“Look kid, you can’t just walk around here like that”, the first man said, hauling him back.  
“Yeah, this is military territory, you understand? No civilians.”  
“Can’t you just come back with your keeper later or something? He’d probably have the authority to do an inspection or some shit like that.”  
Goku wiggled in his grip. “I told you, he’s not my keeper! Now leave me alone!” Before either man could react, he kicked the first man in the shins, effectively making him drop him with a garbled shout. He ran away towards the first building he found, some sort of great hall, ignoring the shouts after him.  
Inside the building there were even more people, but Goku didn’t make the mistake of speaking to one of them again. Instead, he walked over to the edge of the room, hoping to be able to hide somewhere until less people were here and he could explore further. Before he could reach the walls though, a voice called behind him: “Hey, I know you!” Goku flinched, but didn’t turn around, trying to vanish in the throng of people around him. The voice persisted: “You’re that kid! Are you looking for your father?”  
Goku paused, then relaxed. Father? He didn’t have a father. Maybe they didn’t mean him after all. Curious, he stopped and turned around, only to come face to face with a timid looking, brown-haired man.  
“Ah, Son Goku, right?” the man asked with a smile.  
Unable to resist, Goku smiled back. “Yup, I’m Son Goku! Why?”  
The man rubbed his neck awkwardly. “Well, we ran into each other a while back and I thought you might be looking for your father.” At Goku’s confused stare, he continued: “Since you’re General Kenren’s bastard- I mean, his _illegitimate son_.”  
Goku’s expression brightened and he opened his mouth to explain, before an idea occurred to him. Widening his eyes as far as possible, he looked up at the man, trying to make his lips quiver.  
“Daddy was supposed to come pick me up out front", he said, "because he promised to show me around, but there were these two men picking on me and now I can’t find him.” He sniffled for good measure. “Mister, can’t you _please_ help me look?”  
“W-well kid, it’s not that easy…”  
Goku opened his eyes just a little bit more. Any second now they were going to pop.  
“Please, please, please with a cherry on top?”  
The man sighed, before giving him a resigned smile. “Alright then. Can’t exactly leave you alone, anyway.” He straightened up. “Ok, Goku. Where were you supposed to meet him?”  
“Outside, but I already looked everywhere and he’s not there. I’m sure of it!”  
“You could have overlooked him-“  
“No, I’m one hundred percent sure!” Goku lowered his voice. “Besides, I don’t want to go outside to the mean men again.” He tried to look as pitiful as possible.  
The man looked at him helplessly. “I suppose…” He hesitated. “I suppose we could check out the training grounds. I don’t think I can smuggle you into the barracks, especially because I don’t belong to Division One either, so I wouldn’t be allowed anyway.” Goku cursed silently. Well, if they training grounds were no good, he could still run away. The man turned around. “Alright, follow me. And stick as close as possible!”  
As soon as the man’s back was turned, Goku grinned triumphantly. Yes! He resisted jumping up in victory, careful not to raise the man’s suspicions. That reminded him…  
“Thank you, mister! And what’s your name, I don’t wanna call you mister all the time…”  
“I’m Hiyuk. No nice rank like your fathe I’m afraid. Just a normal soldier.”  
“That’s a very nice name”, Goku said seriously. “I got my name from Konzen, so I like it a lot too.”  
“Konzen?”  
“Oh, uhm, a friend of my father’s. Very, very good friend. Konzen suggested my name and Ke- Dad went along with it.”  
“I see. That’s very nice of him.”  
Goku kept up the chatter as well as he could, careful to leave out any mention of Konzen, though Tenpou appeared to be fine. The only time Hiyuk looked at him with more than friendly curiosity in his gaze was when he mentioned Nataku, but apart from a little headshake the man took it in stride. Hiyuk led them away from the bigger buildings and they encountered less and less people the farther they went. Along the way, Goku could detect a few long, flat grey buildings with guards at the front, as well as bigger ones with more space around them that looked similar to Tenpou’s office.  
Finally, after passing several more of the flat buildings they reached a wide open area hidden behind them. In the middle there was a big patch of green grass, surrounded by a down-trodden track of a brown, harder material. In one corner, Goku could make out several metal apparatuses of unknown purpose and even further down a shed with several wooden planks with a vaguely human shape out front. Multiple black-clad men were gathered on the grass patch in the middle, all moving around in what seemed to be an erratic pattern, though two men stood apart from them on opposing sides of each other.  
“You seem to be in luck”, Hiyuk remarked. “Going by the uniforms that’s the First Division. Your father should be with them.”  
“Thank you!” Goku beamed, making to run over to them.  
“Hold up”, Hiyuk said. “I better make sure you get there undisturbed.” He gestured over to where another group of men, clad in uniforms of a soft grey, were running along the track. A little behind them, a sole man stood, staring straight at them, shoulders squared, feet set wide apart in a clear showing of dominance.  
“Alright”, Goku muttered and followed Hiyuk over to the First Division.  
Once they were near enough for the men to notice, Hiyuk waved. “General Kenren! I’m very sorry to disturb you, Sir, but your son is looking for you!” He pushed Goku in front of him.  
Fourteen very curious faces turned towards them simultaneously, expressions varying from shocked to confused. A ripple went through the crowd and a single men shoved his way through them, emerging at the front of the group.  
Goku’s eyes lightened up. “Ken-nii- I mean… Daddy!” he exclaimed, running forward. Kenren just kind of stood there, looking flabbergasted. Goku tugged at his uniform, impatient. “Daaad. Aren’t you happy to see me?”  
“What? Yes!" he flailed a little. "I mean, of course I’m happy to see you! …Son!”, he added unnecessarily, before breaking out in uncomfortable laughter, nowhere near the full, deep sound it usually had.  
A blond man with a goatee stepped forward, slapping Kenren on the back. “You sound a bit surprised there, Sir! Didn’t want us to find out about your son, eh?” His eyes glinted with badly hidden amusement.  
“That’s because he was only supposed to visit tomorrow”, a familiar voice piped up from the left. Tenpou waved at him cheerfully over the cover of a book, seated on a small, wooden bench. “Hello, Goku.”  
“Ten-chan!” Goku exclaimed, running towards his friend. Kenren finally seemed to regain his senses and chuckled, walking over. He ruffled Goku’s hair, ignoring his indignant protests. “Hey there, Goku. Sorry about that, wasn’t exactly expecting you to be here.”  
Hiyuk cleared his throat from his spot on the side. “Does that mean I can leave him here with you, Sir?”  
Kenren turned towards him. “Ah, yes. Sorry for the trouble, man. What’s your name…?”  
“Private Tohoma Hiyuk, Sir!” He saluted.  
“Thanks, Private Tohoma. Your help is appreciated.”  
“It was no trouble at all, Sir. Just, may I ask you… Is your son, uhm", he shifted uncomfortably, "allowed to be here?”  
“Well…” Kenren responded, drawing the word out. “Allowed is a bit of a relative term, don’t you think?”  
“Sir, protocol states-“  
“Nonsense!” Kenren interrupted cheerfully. “Unless you’ve got that protocol somewhere on you - and I don’t think you do - I’m a General and therefore higher ranked than you. And I say Goku is fine just where he is.” He placed a hand on Goku’s shoulder very deliberately. “Besides”, his voice lowered an octave, “I’m sure you’ve heard about me. Sure you wanna challenge a General with that kinda reputation?”  
Hiyuk shot Tenpou a desperate look, but the marshal just smiled at him, glasses glinting in the sunlight.  
“Of course not, Sir”, he stuttered out eventually. “Have a good day, Sir.”  
Kenren’s grin returned in a heartbeat. “Come on, don’t be like that”, he drawled. “I said thanks, didn’t I?”  
Goku took the opportunity to dart forward. “Yes, thank you for showing me the way, Hiyuk!” The man’s concerned frown wavered in the light of Goku’s beaming smile, the corners of his mouth turning up weakly. “You’re welcome.” He straightened up. “I better get back to my duties myself.” He saluted one last time “Sirs!” before dashing away the way he had come.  
Kenren turned towards the rest of the division and visibly froze up. Fourteen expectant gazes were directed at him, plus one very amused one from Tenpou. The same blond man from before spoke up. “Don’t you want to introduce us, Sir?” The man next to him adjusted his glasses. “Indeed, Sir. I, too, must admit a certain curiosity.”  
“Well, your curiosity will have to wait”, Kenren commanded. “Right now you have some training to get to.” He made a shooing motion.  
The assembled men grumbled and groaned but obeyed without any further protest. A moment later they were back on the grass, following around what Goku could now see was a small black and white ball. He hopped up on the bank next to Tenpou, watching them with no small amount of fascination. Kenren slumped down on his other side, burrowing his face in his hands. After a small amount of time, Tenpou spoke up.  
“So… I didn’t know you had a son, Kenren.” His voice was full mirth.  
“Shut up”, Kenren shot back, not moving from his position.  
“I really think that’s something I ought to have known, hm?”  
“Shut up.”  
“He doesn’t even resemble you that much, how curious.”  
“Shut uuuuup!”  
A teasing undercurrent wound its way around the overstated innoncence in Tenpou’s tone. “Honestly now. I do hope I don’t need to get jealous. Thinks can get very ugly when I’m jealous.”  
Goku turned his attention back to the two of them. That didn’t actually sound all that good. But to his relief, he found Kenren smiling beneath his hands.  
“Heh. Seems you found me out.” He threw his hands up theatrically. “There’s no use lying anymore! I admit everything! I have a secret wife!” His smile turned sharp. “Real beauty though.”  
“Oh?” Tenpou’s tone was definitely teasing now. “And what does this beauty look like?”  
Kenren snorted. “Long, blond hair, beautiful eyes and legs you wouldn’t believe. They are to _die_ for.” He sighed. “Absolutely horrible character though. She’s always shouting at me.”  
Goku was very confused now. He looked between the two of them, before asking: “Does Konzen have a sister?”  
Kenren laughed out loud and Tenpou stifled a giggle behind his hand. Once he had calmed down, Kenren answered him, albeit still chuckling: “No, no, Konzen doesn’t have a sister. I was talking about him.”  
Goku frowned even harder. “Wait… But Konzen isn't your wife. He _can't_ be, he's male.”  
Kenren laughter was loud enough to make a few of his men look over, before he turned back to Goku, expression caught somewhere between horrified and extremely entertained. “God no”, he said. “Konzen would chop my hands off before he ever let me anywhere near him.” He flicked his gaze towards Tenpou. “Not that I, you know, ever intended to do something like that.” Tenpou merely smiled good-naturedly, attention turning back towards the book he was reading. Goku paused, then shrugged and went back to watching the others run after the ball.  
Kenren noticed his interest. “Do you know what they’re doing, Goku?” he asked.  
Goku shook his head.  
“It’s called soccer”, Tenpou remarked, eyes never leaving the page. “I’m reading about it right now, see?” He turned the book around, so Goku could see the black-and-white drawings of several people moving around, accompanied by little bubbles of text. “It’s really very interesting and I thought it might be a good idea for training.”  
“By which he means it amuses him”, Kenren piped up from Goku’s other side.  
“It’s a great sport for building up endurance, their legs can build up plenty of muscle and it’s a great opportunity for Souko to get familiar with the team”, Tenpou defended himself.  
Goku ignored both of them, choosing to hop off the bench instead, jumping up and down excitedly. “Hey, hey! Can I play too?”  
Tenpou and Kenren exchanged looks. “I don’t see why not…”  
“Oh, thank you!”  
“Do you see that guy over there?” Kenren asked, pointing out a man with glossy black hair pulled back in a ponytail and narrow glasses perched on his nose. “That’s Aizen. He can explain the rules to you. I’m afraid he’s the only one that really understood them, too”, he added with a sigh, surveying the rest of his men.  
Goku immediately took off running, barely shouting back a thank you. After meeting up with Aizen, he enthusiastically joined the men in hurrying after the ball, following the directions Kenren occasionally shouted across the field. It was fun, especially once the others starting him seriously, a development heavily helped along by Goku hitting the ball hard enough to send it racing across the grass, promising hurt for anyone in its path. After the third agonized shout, they were very careful not to let Goku near the ball. Or tried to, at the very least. Towards the end, Goku was proud to say that at least two thirds of the men carried bruises on their shins that hadn’t been there before.  
“Goku!” Tenpou shouted from behind him. He whirled around, but Tenpou was just sitting calmly on his bench, reading. “Goku!” came the shout again, more urgently this time and yes, that was definitely Tenpou. Confused, Goku wandered over. “What’s the matter, Ten-chan?” he asked, but the man wasn’t even looking at him.  
Suddenly, he heard Konzen’s voice behind him, that unmistakable angry snarl: “Let me handle the moron, Hakkai. Monkey’s get a special treatment.” Goku whirled around, endlessly confused now. _What the hell..._ Something nudged him in the ribs but when he looked down, there was nothing but air.  
“Oi, monkey”, the invisible Konzen said. “Wake up now or I’ll shoot you.”  
Shoot? Since when did Konzen own a gun? Since when did Konzen _fight_ , fullstop? And more importantly, what did he mean by _wake up_?  
“Konzen…?” he addressed the air questioningly, but before he could formulate a proper sentence there was an incredibly loud bang right next to his ear and-

\- and Goku woke up with a racing heart, springing up, flailing limbs getting hopelessly tangled with his blankets before tumbling to the floor with a frightened shout.  
He let out a heavy breath, trying to make sense of his surroundings and a pair of kind green eyes appeared above him. “Good morning, Goku.”  
“Morning, Hakkai”, he mumbled back, disorientated.  
“See?” Sanzo’s smug voice remarked from somewhere to his right. “If the animal misbehaves, you discipline the animal.”  
“That’s all very nice, Sanzo”, Hakkai responded, “but now we’re going to have to pay for a very large bullet hole in the bed. _Again._ ”  
There was a beat of silence.  
“Well, it’s the fucking monkey’s fault anyway”, Sanzo grumbled, before rushing out of the room, his robes fluttering after him like particularly disgruntled bird’s wings.  
Hakkai just sighed, his lips already putting on a strained smile again. “Please hurry up, Goku. We’re heading out rather soon and Sanzo might just make you miss breakfast today.” The unspoken _And I’m certainly not going to stop him_ was heavily implied. Goku scrambled out after him.

Once they were all back in Jeep, radio droning on in the background during one of their quieter moments, Hakkai shot Goku a look over his shoulder. “Goku. There’s something that’s been bothering me.”  
“What is it?”  
The man hesitated, then asked: “Who is Konzen?”  
Goku froze up, not quite sure how to answer. _Oh, you know, just this guy I keep dreaming about that reminds me of Sanzo a lot. You and Gojyo are there too sometimes, making out. But you know, the problem is that everything in this dream reality seems a lot nicer than this dusty journey, so I’m really beginning to prefer sleeping over being awake, which strikes me as a bad thing, but I just can’t bring myself to care. You know what I mean?_ Yeah, sure as hell not.  
He was saved from answering when Gojyo spoke up instead of him. “Konzen? That’s a man’s name, right?” He sighed. “Dammit. And here I thought Goku might have a sweetheart.”  
“Hey!” Goku exclaimed, not quite sure if that had been an insult, but feeling distinctly insulted anyway.  
Gojyo grinned at him. “Oh, sorry, I forgot. You’ve already got your sights set on our resident sunshine and-“  
Sanzo interrupted him harshly: “Finish that sentence and you’re dead.”  
“Alright, alright. Just working with what’s being handed to me. No need to wave a gun around or anythin’.”  
“Shut up, Gojyo”, Goku complained. He pulled a face. “Also: Ew.”  
“Calm down, monkey. I was just teasing you. Sanzo might have a lot of reasons for being single but cradle-robbing sure ain’t one of them.” Under his breath, he continued: “Fuck if I know those reasons though, he sure has the face for it…”  
“Yes, yes, legs to die for, I remember”, Goku responded, still shaking off his disgust.  
He felt more then saw three sets of eyes zeroing in on him.  
“What the fuck did you just say?” the monk snarled darkly.  
He turned to Gojyo. “What the fuck did he just say?”  
Goku blanched, realizing his mistake a minute too late. Aw hell.  
“I, uh, don’t know what he’s talking about”, Gojyo protested weakly, which was all it took to make Sanzo snap.  
“Keep your fucking eyes to your fucking self, you disgusting _pervert!_ ” If such a thing wouldn't have been far too dignified for him, Goku could have sworn he was foaming at the mouth. Sanzo’s paper fan flashed before his eyes and made contact with Gojyo’s head with a resounding smack.  
“Ow, what the fuck, you shitty monk!” Gojyo rubbed his head. “I just said I never said that!”  
“Yeah, because _you’re_ the epitome of honesty and sincerity!”  
“Don’t fucking insult me!”  
“Then shut up and be silent!”  
“Don’t tell me what to do!”  
“Tough shit, this is me, telling you what to do: Shut. Up.”  
“Fuck off, I’m not you’re trained little monkey.”  
“Don’t bring me into this, kappa!”  
“What do you mean, ‘bring into’?! You started the whole damn thing!”  
“I did not! You were making comments first!”  
“Not like that! Stop lying, monkey brain!”  
“I’m not lying!” (Goku ignored the little voice that said, yes, technically, he was indeed lying. It sounded a lot like Hakkai. Or maybe Tenpou.)  
“Yes, you are!”  
“Am not!”  
“Are too!”  
“Am not!”  
“Are too!”  
“Am not!”  
Gojyo growled in frustration, lunging at him and putting him in a headlock. He dug his knuckles into Goku’s skull harshly and rubbed mercilessly.  
“That hurts, you fucking bastard!”, he whined.  
“Serves you right!”  
“Let me go! You smell like shit!”  
From the front seat came a warning rustle of paper in the wind, closely followed by a loud roaring voice: _“Shut the fuck up, I’ll kill both of you right now!”_ before both Gojyo and Goku received a harsh whack on the head.  
There was a beat of silent, only broken by Hakkai’s soft chuckling. He was wise enough not to bring the name Konzen up again, but Goku could tell that the matter was far from over.

Once the sun had reached its zenith on the sky they decided to stop on the side of the road to eat lunch. Hakkai found a little patch of trees and steered the Jeep over to it, parking in the feeble shadow it produced. Goku jumped down quickly, fearful of the fate that might have awaited him had he stayed in the car just one more minute.  
Lunch was a small affair, the four of them forming a circle on the ground, eating cold dumplings that Hakkai had bought in the last village they had visited. When Goku was helping Hakkai put away their things, Gojyo packing everything back into the Jeep where Sanzo sat in his seat, waiting regally, the man addressed him softly: “Goku. I want you to talk to me.”  
“I _am_ talking to you”, Goku responded in his best innocent voice.  
“Don’t play dumb with me”, Hakkai responded a little sharply, although there was still a smile on his face. “Something has been bothering you for days now. You constantly look really tired despite going to bed earlier than ever and sleeping in longer than anyone else does and sometimes I catch you staring off into space when you don’t think anybody notices.”  
When Goku stayed silent, Hakkai stepped in front of him, forcing Goku to look into his eyes.  
“I’m not angry at you, Goku. Just tell me what it is and maybe I can even help you.”  
Goku hesitated. It was very tempting to confide in Hakkai, knowing that if he asked, the man would not only take him seriously, but keep it a secret from the other two as well. But every time he thought about bringing it up with one of his companions, there was a pain in his chest. Like he was forgetting something very important. Vague guilt was weighing down his heart and no matter how earnestly Hakkai was looking at him, Goku’s tongue was frozen in his mouth, feeling like lead.  
He averted his eyes. “No. Sorry, Hakkai, but you must be mistaken.” He gave the man a smile. “Everything’s fine.”  
Hakkai’s smile dropped an inch, and the rest of the packing was done in heavy silence.

They reached a village somewhere around night time, Sanzo forcing them to push on throughout the darkness. Everyone was tired and a little tense, but the sight of brightly illuminated houses in the dark cheered them up considerably.  
Later, when they were all settled in, camping out in Sanzo and Goku’s room for the moment (even though Gojyo had left to get more beer and Sanzo had claimed his usual seat by the window), Goku got to thinking again. Because really, who were these people in his dreams? It wasn’t pure coincidence that they looked exactly like Sanzo, Hakkai and Gojyo, even if their hair or their clothes were different. They acted like them, coincidence on such a level wasn’t even possible. Besides, they didn’t feel like dreams. Like, at all. After waking up they stuck in his brain, like they had found an empty slot in his head, exactly their size and they sure as hell weren’t going to leave again. Then there was also the matter of these tiny headaches he always got after waking up now, nothing major, but still there. He rifled through his memories to see if they brought up anything on visions or the like, but apart from that creepy ass bastard of a fortune teller, nothing came up. So he did what he always did when he had a question and really, really couldn’t figure it out. He turned to the teacher of the group.  
“Hey, Hakkai?”  
Maybe he couldn’t outright discuss the problem with the man, but he could still help. He ignored the hope shining in Hakkai’s eyes and tried to be as vague as possible: “Can I, uhm. Ask you a question?”  
“I believe you just did, but go ahead, I will grant you one more.”  
Goku stuck his tongue out. “I think Gojyo’s humour is rubbing off on you.”  
Hakkai just smiled at him, waiting.  
“…What do you know about visions, Hakkai?”  
That got him a surprised blink, hope fading from his eyes, though his smile stayed warm. “Visions?” he repeated. “Like the fortune telling kind?”  
“No, no. More the opposite. Or… it doesn’t really matter. But, like, they come in dreams.”  
Hakkai seemed to mull that over, which was a clear sign that at the very least he was intrigued, before answering: “I don’t know about dreaming but there is a theory on visions that I know which might interest you.”  
“Yes?”  
“Well, visions of any kind have never really been very accurate or even reliable. One of the reasons for that is that if you try to look into the future, there are naturally going to be things you aren’t even able to recognize. Because they don’t exist yet. For example, if you don’t know what a car is, because they don’t exist yet, Jeep might appear as a green metal box to you and none of his significance is clear.”  
“Okay. So?”  
“Well if you think about it like that, like simply viewing pictures, the whole meaning of visions becomes a lot more unclear.”  
Goku nodded vaguely.  
“So some people believe, if they believe in visions at all, that instead of having some kind of mystical power, people with visions are just looking at the past memories of their future children. Remembering in the wrong direction, if you will. But it’s like watching a movie. They have all the pictures, but none of the meaning attached, they’re basically looking through a stranger’s eyes. Therefore, visions.”  
He made a thoughtful noise. “Of course, you can now also turn that around and say that you have the memories of your ancestors in you, so you’d be able to glimpse the past instead of the future. Then you’d even be able to understand everything. Makes sense?”  
“Yes, I think so”, Goku responded. “There are different memories in my head and through looking at them I can look at a different time, right?”  
“That’s the gist of it, yes.”  
“But how do the memories get in there in the first place?”  
Hakkai smiled at him. “It’s just a theory, Goku. They were trying to explain something no one really understood in the first place. We simply do not know.”  
“I dunno”, a voice announced from behind him and Gojyo placed his hands on either side of Goku’s head. “Maybe they’re like hungry little worms with really sharp teeth, burying their way through your skull and right into your head.” He rubbed his knuckles against Goku’s head for emphasis, like drilling a hole.  
Goku knocked his hands away. “Don’t be creepy, kappa.”  
“Wasn’t trying to be.” Gojyo flopped down next to them. “Why’re we talking about visions and ancestors and shit?”  
“Goku asked me if I knew anything about visions or visionary dreams.”  
“And, do you?”  
“Not more than I just told you.”  
“The teacher’s out of teaching material, would you look at that…”  
He ignored Hakkai’s reproachful glare and took a long drag from his cigarette. Then he turned his head a little to the side and shouted: “Hey, monk! Come over here for a sec, will ya?”  
“Fuck off”, was the clipped answer.  
“Come on, we wanna ask you a question.”  
“…”  
“I’m gonna keep whining until you give in, you know that.”  
Sanzo finally looked over from his perch by the window, cigarette dangling from his hand. “Fine. Just stop annoying me. What do you want?”  
Goku took the opportunity to pipe up again. “I wanted to know if Hakkai knew anything about visions or dreams. But the most we got is memories from our children or ancestors magically turning up in our brains.”  
"It's a _bit_ more scientific than that", Hakkai tried with a raised finger but everyone ignored him. Sanzo was silent for a while, smoking leisurely like the other three weren’t staring at him, expectation clear in their eyes.  
“Well”, he finally began, “some people at the temple believed that you could remember stuff from your previous reincarnations. Your home, a favourite piece of music, maybe even what you looked like.”  
“That’s pretty close to ancestors, isn’t it?” asked Gojyo.  
Sanzo didn’t answer. Reincarnations, huh?, thought Goku. That actually sounded like the closest thing to what he had experienced in the last few days so far. Looked the same, the same basic character traits, but just a little bit different. Like how Hakkai was a neat freak but Tenpou most certainly wasn’t. Or that Gojyo had red hair and eyes because of his heritage, but Kenren didn’t, because he had been born under different circumstances. Or how Konzen really didn’t seem to be the type to carry a gun.  
“But what about dreams?” he asked. “I mean, so far we’ve been talking about visions. Like the deliberate kind of stuff.”  
“Nah”, Sanzo answered, “With reincarnations it would be dreams as well. Besides, it’s not like people really would go looking for their past memories, no one’s ever tried to do it deliberately. I mean, you could have been a piece of shit in your past life, or an ant or anything else that’s living.”  
“Heh. I bet Sanzo was some sort of really hot babe and that’s why he still looks so feminine.”  
Goku waited for a paper fan slap, but instead Sanzo just calmly blew out cigarette smoke and smirked. “I don't know about that. There's only one of us here with long hair and an endless supply of beauty products.”  
Gojyo narrowed his eyes at him, startled into silence for a bit, before he recovered, his grin going from sleazy to mocking: “Yeah, I guess you were just a nagging old hag after all.”  
Goku interrupted, trying to bring this thing back on track: “So, you could potentially have dreams about past lives?”  
“Yes, which reminds me”, Hakkai looked at him, “How did you come up with such a topic in the first place?”  
“Ah, well”, he floundered, “Uhm.” An idea occured to him and he just barely resisted snapping his fingers. “Remember that time Yaone put us all to sleep with this powder of hers?”  
“Yes…?”  
“Well, while I was sleeping I saw all kinds of weird stuff and I guess I got curious.”  
“Curious about something that happened ages ago?”  
“Well it’s not like it was ever very important. And, I mean, it still isn’t. Important. It’s still not important.” He grinned akwardly.  
Goku wasn’t quite sure why he was so desperate to hide this from them. Maybe because they all had their little secrets, Sanzo and Hakkai and Gojyo, while he had none. Even their pasts had been secret at first and even then, Goku had always felt like he was the last to know. The last person anyone ever told _anything_. Well, not anymore, he decided. This was going to be _his_ little secret.  
Gojyo shot him an openly suspicious look, but said: “Well, if you say so…”  
Hakkai was more curious: “What did you see, then? When Yaone made you fall asleep?”  
“Ahahaha”, he rubbed his neck self-consciously, “I honestly don’t remember it all that well anymore. I guess that’s why I’ve waited so long to ask, too.”  
Hakkai sighed. “That’s quite alright. It was probably only some side-effect of the drug anyway.”  
“Yeah, probably.” Goku was thankful that the topic was being dropped so quickly.  
As if on cue, Sanzo finished his cigarette and stood up. He stubbed it out on the windowsill, gesturing towards the rest of them. “What are still sitting around here for? I want to sleep and I can’t do that with you bastards being so damn noisy.”  
Gojyo stood up as well and glared at him. “I’ll show you noisy, you freaky monk.”  
Sanzo was distinctly unimpressed. “Well, go be noisy with Hakkai in your bed, just don’t bother me about it.”  
The innuendo seemed to hit Gojyo a second before it hit Goku, because he was a little confused about why Gojyo didn’t immediately shout back. Then Gojyo turned around, and with a grumbling “Go to hell!” slammed the door shut behind him. Hakkai was a little more polite, bidding both of them goodnight, before he hurried out of the room as well.  
Goku hopped on his bed, kicked off his shoes in the process, before turning towards Sanzo. “Is that your way of ‘helping’ them?” he asked, genuinely curious.  
Sanzo scoffed. “No, I told you I’m not doing that. Do I look like a damn matchmaker?” He paused. “Actually, don’t answer that, whatever you’ll say, it’ll only piss me off.”  
Goku shrugged. “Okay then.” He removed his cape and vest and threw them on the floor next to his bed. “Night, Sanzo.” He heard a grunt in return and a few moments later Goku was out like a light.

**Author's Note:**

> Look at that, I did a chapter thing! First time posting something, plus, not my first language, so please forgive any formatting or spelling issues and do point them out to me! Thanks!  
> This is basically an introduction chapter, I already have an ending (so less fluff and more plot is to follow), but everything in between is lots of free space. So if anyone had dream ideas that they'd like to see written, do tell. Plus, like any author on this site, reviews feed me so do leave a comment please, even if it's just a random line of emojis. Cheers and...
> 
> TO BE CONTINUED


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